Mama Spud: Toby's Birth Story

I GAVE BIRTH DURING A GLOBAL PANDEMIC

I was debating whether or not to write this but its actually been quite therapeutic to put 'pen to paper'. Labour was not easy for me, in fact I had the labour I always feared I would have; painful and traumatic. I don't write this to terrify anyone who is about to go through the experience, there are some women who can give birth on two paracetamol (I just don't happen to be one of those women). I think sharing your story is important, noting that it's a very different experience for each person who goes through it (both the birth mother and the partner). Labour and postpartum have been one of the hardest things I've ever done, and the added gravity of the global Covid-19 situation was not kind. So here it is...

MY STORY

I went on maternity leave 3 days earlier than planned because my wonderful bosses thought that this was the safest thing for me and the baby. That was on 11th March and between that date and when labour started I only left the house for medical appointments and one walk around the neighbourhood 'curb walking' (and not curb crawling) to try to get the babys head to engage. I also stopped watching the news as I was getting anxiety migraines. I spent that time editing vlogs, napping and drinking so much water as we had everything really ready for our impending arrival.

Labour started at 4am on 29th March (Toby's due date). I had a surge in my sleep which woke me so I decided to have a bath and woke Mark at 7am to let him know that I was having gentle surges. The contractions continued throughout that very long day; I monitored the surges through the Freya app and as they got stronger and closer together we decided to go to the maternity unit at the Royal Victoria Hospital (RVH). This was at about 11pm on 29th March.

When we arrived, I had an internal examination and was told I was 2-3cm dilated but due to the situation, if I wanted to be admitted at that stage I would have to sit on the ward by myself (without Mark) until I was further dilated. I did not want to be separated from my husband, so, as the baby was safe, we decided to go home. We spent the night on the sofa in the kitchen (due to the tiled floors). We didn't really sleep and I was able to breathe through the surges for the rest of the night. What a long night that was. Before we left for the hospital in the next/same morning, I was violently sick all over our kitchen floor. God bless Mark, he tried to put a bowl in front of me but it bounced back and hit me square in the face, something we just laughed at, once I had stopped vomiting.

We went back to the hospital at 8am on 30th March. When we arrived that morning my contractions were much stronger and a lovely maternity physio had seen us walking (and stopping for surges) from the car park so she brought out a wheel chair to take me in. The reception and waiting room were covered in signs and bright red warnings so it took a second to stop and digest the information. The floors were marked out with bright yellow tape and we were trying not to touch anything but I had to lean on Mark when the surges got too strong as I didn't want to sit down. I saw that there were other dads waiting outside and one only other dad in the waiting room itself. He had a mask on.

Mark wasn't allowed to come in for the initial examination but during that internal examination the midwife broke my waters (and it was like Niagara Falls and then I had 4 more gushes after that (they defo don't put that in the movies)). At that stage I was 4-5cm dilated and we were going to be admitted. Pain makes me throw up so during that time I was being incredibly sick so Mark was allowed in to help me manage and find new clothes (as mine, even though the were on the floor, 2 metres away from the bed I was on, were soaked).

We were then admitted onto the delivery ward. I originally wanted the Active Birthing Unit with a birthing pool, but there were no rooms available. Our first midwife was called Maxine and she helped Mark set up our LED candles to make the room more comfortable and 'hygge' for me. Maxine even acquired a diffuser and the room smelled lovely. I had been practising hypnobirthing and had made my birth preference plan so I had felt prepared (little did I know what was to come). I didn't feel any sense of the reach of Covid in my delivery room. Any member of the NHS staff were positive and friendly, helpful and focused on my care. No one wore masks or spoke about the pandemic although it was ever present.

My memory of the labour from here is patchy; due to the gas and air, 2 lots of diamorphine and the epidural but it was a slow process. Apparently I facetimed my parents and my sister. I have no recollection of this at all. Mark says it was really hard to watch me at times, because I was so high on the pain relief that my eyes were rolling around the back of my head and I was evidently in a lot of pain. The hypnobirthing breathing was really good for the contractions, in for 4 out for 8. I broke the breathing nozzle twice by biting through it, apparently.

Finally, when it came time to push it nearly 11.30pm on 30th March, I was so exhausted but I pushed and pushed for nearly 2 hours with no avail. A team of doctors were called in; after 3 or 4 failed vacuum attempts (no one told me that the vacuum had a safety release so when they used it the first time and it detached with the loudest 'pop' noise and I looked up to see the doctors looking very concerned, I genuinely thought that my baby had been decapitated, remembering here I was completely away with the fairies), an episiotomy and a fuck tonne of screaming and sobbing, forceps were finally used and our first baby, weighing 8 lbs 14 arrived into the world at 1.53am on 31st March. Toby then pooped and peed on me so looking down, it seemed like there had been a battle on my body and in a way there had been. I found the labour to be very painful and traumatic; no one told me that an epidural only worked for contractions and not for the pushing part (which was the worst part for me and I felt every agonising second of it- if you want to feel nothing its a spinal tap or so they told me afterwards). I wondered why I could still move my legs. From start to finish the whole process was 42 hours.

I was and still am very thankful that Mark was able to be there for the birth of our son and he was even able to cut the cord. I could not have gotten through it without him. It was his voice I heard through the fog, his words I listened to and his arms I broke down and sobbed into screaming that I couldn't do it and that I had failed because I needed help from the medical team. After Tobias was born I was unable to do skin to skin as I was being wildly sick but Mark was able to cuddle with our son, whilst I reeled in the corner, being sewn up and attended to.

By 6am, I was in a private room in Johnston House (RVH) by myself, in complete shock as to what we had been through, holding a crying baby not having a clue. I cried. I really sobbed. I wanted my husband, I wanted the pain to stop, I wanted to sleep. Eventually Toby stopped crying with cuddles and we lay there whilst the sun came up. I knew I had no other choice but to get on with it so I took the opportunity to learn and ask questions of the midwives. I watched as they gave Toby his first bath and changed his meconium nappies (I had never changed a boys nappy before only having two nieces). They asked if they could take him from my room to do standard tests and I said no, that I didn't want him to leave my sight because his dad wasn't able to be there (I've always had a fear of babies being switched after birth (too much TV)). I wandered around in shock trying to grab a 5 minute shower without Toby having to leave my room, but I eventually had to ask an all ready busy midwife to watch him as I hadn't washed since my bath on the morning of the 29th. I tell you it was a quick 30 second body shower as I did not want my baby to be away from me but without Mark I had no choice.

I was in Johnston House for approximately 40 hours but it felt like years. Mark missed out on the first 2 days of Toby's life. When he came to collect us on the 1st April, Mark wasn't even allowed into the waiting room, he waited at the door outside. A midwife carried Toby downstairs and I carried 3 or 4 bags, which was a mission in itself. The midwife then passed Tobias to me and then Mark and I put him in his car seat on the ground outside the hospital door. I wanted to hug the midwife for all of her and her colleagues help but of course I didn't. We eventually got home at 6pm on 1st April and Mark got to hold his son for some proper Toby time whilst I got a full shower. I was in a lot of pain in a strange and broken body that I did not recognise. My belly swayed with every step I took and down below was ruined and so so sore, sitting was almost impossible never mind holding the baby and trying to move a little bit. I really struggled with the state of my broken body. It was definetley miles better after the first week, but that week was so incredibly hard.

The aftercare visits have been minimal and our wee man had jaundice for the first week or so, so we had to travel from Belfast to the Downe Hospital, Downpatrick 3 times in his first 6 days as community midwives were no longer coming out to houses. This is normally a 34 minute journey but as Tobias is so small he couldn't go longer than 20 minutes in the car seat without a break. We learned to feed and change him in the back of the car (which included a poo-nami) at a petrol station at about half way on day 3 which was very tricky for any parents never mind two newbies.

One of the hardest parts of this has been not being able to see family and friends; this is Mark's parents first grandchild and they have only been able to look at him through our windows whilst they drop off a weekly food shop for us. My parents live in Cavan, Ireland so they cannot travel more than 2km from their home. This is their first Grandson. My mum is bursting for a cuddle but we have had some video calls over WhatsApp. My younger sister, Katie, (who is a key worker) has also 'met' Toby through the window whilst dropping off food, she is one of my best friends and not being able to hug her is really hard. Our neighbours have also been brilliant always dropping off bread, milk and other groceries.

We don't have any cute hospital pictures and the first proper photo of the 3 of us we were able to take was when Toby was a week old when I felt able, slightly less overwhelmed and more myself. All of the things we were depending on to make life easier at this stage (grandparents, cleaners, ironing services, meal delivery services) have all basically been unavailable to us. It has been very difficult to do this with just the two of us but Mark is amazing and I am not alone. We are a team and share the load. He goes back to work on 22nd April and we are both worried about the sleep deprivation and 'tag teaming' as we call it. I honestly could not do this without Mark; he is truly and amazing husband and father. I married a beautiful soul. Yet every day I think about the single mums in our 'Getting Ready For Baby' class before the lock down started- I really wish I had gotten to know them better and taken their numbers.

I also could not have done this without the fantastic NHS staff and midwives. Any NI politician who voted against pay rises for health workers should hang their heads in shame. The maternity team, all the doctors, midwives, specialists, everyone who we have come into contact with are worth their weight in gold and I will never forget each one of them and the fact that during a pandemic, they were still putting their lives on the line so that I could have my baby safely.

Toby is now 18 days old and we have been out twice, out first walk wasn't great (2 minutes with Toby screaming) but the second walk around our neighbourhood was much better especially with the sun shining. We are taking it one day at a time and each day that passes means we're a day closer to this coming to an end and being able to hug our friends and family again. I can't wait for that day.

p.s. I did vlog parts of my labour experience. To be honest I cant really remember what I did record and I haven't been able to watch the footage back yet. When I do watch it I'll then consider sharing it but for now it's just thing blog.

POST EDIT

p.p.s For those who are expecting here's some birthing vlogs that I really liked where the whole experience seemed much 'nicer' than mine...

↠ Sarahs Day - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVxe6yESoh4&t=2s

↠ Elle Pearls - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WDV5iCxTyw

#MamaSpud #pregnancy #pregnantpotato #pregnant #Givingbirth #Labourinthetimeofcorona #coronavirus #covid19 #covid19birth #BabyMarch2020